Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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