You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
wow bdsm is so cute
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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