Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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