he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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