we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize