Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
