the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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