He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
