last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A bitchslap is in order.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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