I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
