Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
