Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
