I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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