he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
