This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
