you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
