I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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