I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
