im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
