Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
