i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
