i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
