my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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