Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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