Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
