so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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