Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
