Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize