Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
