He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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