Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she smelled like a LAN party
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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