Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
