you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
