I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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