Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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