Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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