dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
