her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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