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you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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