so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
