I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
