Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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