woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
