well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
