You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
