You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
