How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
