im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
