You just made me feel so damn special
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
