Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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