Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
