She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
