I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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