So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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