i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
