We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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