he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
