btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
