I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
