The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
