God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
