Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dick very happy bro
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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