There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
