I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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