Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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