bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
