I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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