Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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