five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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