she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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