Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
