im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
