We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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